Note
- Children ages 3-8 often need help calming down from strong emotions.
- If your child needs help calming down, acknowledge the emotion, name it, and take a break.
- Correct your child’s behavior or resolve the problem when they are calm.
- Learning to self-regulate is an important part of learning to understand and manage your emotions.
Calming yourself down from strong emotions: Why children need help
Starting around age 2, children begin to develop new emotions. These include strong emotions such as sadness, anger, shame, guilt, embarrassment, and joy. These strong emotions can sometimes overwhelm children.
Children often need help to cope with these strong emotions because:
They are still developing all their skills, including the ability to manage strong emotions
Don’t always use words to describe the strength of emotions, especially with toddlers and preschoolers
They may be more sensitive to things because of their circumstances
They may find it difficult to calm down if they are tired or hungry, in a busy place like a shopping mall, or at an exciting event like a party.
Help your child calm down: 5 steps
Here are 5 ways to help your child calm down from emotions:
- Be aware and aware of emotions.
- Name the emotion and connect it to the event.
- Pause, no talking.
- Support your child as they calm down.
- Resolve the problem.
- Read and Identify Emotions
If your child seems to want help calming down, stop. Before you do or say anything, see what your child’s behavior tells you about his personality. You can do it in the following way:
- Check your child carefully
- Pay attention to their body language
- Listen to what your child has to say.
- For example, if you ask your child to turn off the TV and take a shower, the child may ignore you or roll around on the floor and complain loudly. This is a sign to you that your child is angry.
Learning to recognize your child’s emotions takes practice.
2. Name the emotion and connect it to the topic
The second step is to label the emotion and connect it to the topic. This can help your child learn to identify:
- how they are feeling and why
- their body reaction to the feeling
- the words that go with the emotion.
This also shows your child that you understand their feelings and that these feelings are okay, even if they are not behaving well.
For example, if your child is rolling around on the floor and complaining loudly because the TV is turned off, you can say, “I know you are upset because you turned the TV off.”
3. Wait, don’t talk
Wait for a few seconds without saying anything to give your child time to absorb what you’ve said. It’s hard not to jump in and start a conversation. You may find it helpful to count to 5 in your mind while you wait.
This pause may be enough for your child to calm down and move on to something else. Or they can figure it out on their own. For example, “Can I watch TV after the bath?”
- Support your child as they calm down
If your child is very upset, they may take longer to process their emotions. For example, they may scream more, act out physically, or lose their temper.
If your child is taking a long time to calm down, try the following:
Make them feel safe with you. Stay calm and be close to your child. This shows that you understand that you can handle their emotions. This can also help them understand that emotions are not something to be taken lightly.
Go back to step 1. Find someone to help you if you need it – for example, your partner if you have a partner.
Wait until the strong emotion has passed. Be patient. For young children, managing emotions can be very difficult.
It’s easy to say things like, “Use your words,” and “Try to breathe deeply.” But your child may not be able to respond to these thoughts until the emotion has passed. Often the best course of action is to wait.
It is okay to move away from your child a little while longer when he is calm, but it is important to stay close to observe him and make sure he is safe.
- Appropriate behavior or problem solving
Your child must be calm before you can help him solve his problem or respond to challenging behavior. What you do when your child is stressed. Here are some options:
Think of other ways to deal with strong emotions. For example, “If you are happy, clap your hands and jump up and down” or “If you are angry, go to your room and punch your pillow.” Come back when you are calm.
Calm or comfort your child. For example, “Something bad happened” or “I’m sorry to see you upset.” Let’s hug.
Think of other ways your child can deal with the situation. For example, “You’re not hitting anyone, you can ask for your toy back.”
Set some boundaries. For example, – I know you are angry, but killing people is not a good thing. You have to miss the party tomorrow.
