Things to remember
- Talking about your child’s disability helps others understand your child and your situation.
- Highlighting your child’s strengths helps others see your child as a whole person, not just a disability.
- When talking about your child’s disability, it’s up to you who you talk to and what you say.
- Talking about your child’s disability with your partner and other children can have a positive impact on family relationships.
Why it’s good to talk about your child’s disability, autism, and other additional needs
Your child is a part of your life. Talking to others about your child helps them understand your child and your situation and provide better support.
And talking to your partner and other children about your feelings helps you understand each other, which means you can support each other better in the short term. It also strengthens your relationship in the long term.
When, Who, What and How to Talk About Your Child’s Disability, Autism or Other Additional Needs
When you start talking about your child’s disability, when to talk, who to talk to, what to say and how to talk about it is entirely up to you. You’ll soon be able to properly assess these things.
When
It’s okay if it takes you a while to accept the diagnosis. You don’t have to know right away if you don’t want to.
And even when you start telling people about it, you can dictate the pace. For example, if you’re having trouble telling someone about your child’s disability, it’s okay to say, “I’d like to talk to you about that later.”
WHO
If you have family members close to you, you may want to talk to them, as they will want to support you. This may also be your close friends. Others need to know, too, to find the best way to support your child. These people may include your child’s parents and teachers.
WHAT
You don’t need to tell everyone the details about your child’s disability. Provide only the necessary information. For example, if it’s someone you don’t see often, you can be polite and give only basic information.
As you think about what to say to different people, it might help to say it out loud at home. You could also practice with your partner or another adult.
It can also be helpful for you and your partner to share the responsibility of speaking with others.
How
If you find it difficult to talk about your child’s disability, you can write down important information about your child. You can then send or share this information with friends and family.
You and your partner discuss your child’s disability, autism and other special needs
If you have a partner, you may have a different perspective on your child’s disability. This is quite natural.
Talking to each other and listening to each other’s views without judging each other will help you accept differences. And this acceptance helps you and your partner adapt to the changes and challenges of living with a child with a disability, learn from each other, and work together for your child.
Talking, listening, and acceptance are especially important when decisions need to be made about your child or during difficult times. But it’s also great for staying focused on all the positive things in life with your child.
Talking and listening also helps you and your partner understand each other better, which has a positive impact on your relationship in general.
Your child’s sibling with a disability, autism, or other additional needs
No matter how old they are, your other children probably have questions, concerns, and feelings about their disabled sibling. Other children may ask questions like,
“Is this my fault?”, “Will this get better?”, or “Is it contagious?”
Answering their questions as honestly as possible and in words they can understand may help ease their anxiety. It also helps to be positive but realistic about what may happen in the future.
When you encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings and listen without criticizing or blaming, you send the message that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling. For example: “I know that Violet makes you angry when she pulls your hair.” You can also share some of your own emotions, such as sadness or frustration, but also pride and joy. You can also talk about how the disability may affect everyday family life.
For example, “Noah will have weekly therapy appointments. Together we can work together to figure out how to cope with his new normal.”
