Notes
- Family rules help everyone in the family live better together.
- Good family rules are positive, specific, and easy to understand.
- They establish rules about physical behavior, safety, manners, routines, respect, screen use, and more.
- Rules may need to change as children grow and family circumstances change.
Family Rules: Why They’re Important
Family rules are positive statements of how a family wants to care for and treat its members. Rules help children and adolescents learn what kind of behavior is and is not acceptable in the family. Rules also help adults behave consistently around children and adolescents.
Rules help the whole family get along better. They make family life more positive and peaceful.
Rules that teach children what not to do can sometimes be good. They are best used when it’s difficult to explain what to do instead (for example, “Don’t use foul language in the house”).
Short lists of positive family rules are more effective than long ones, especially with young children. What rules should you make?
Choose the most important things to make rules about. These can include rules about:
Physical behavior towards each other – e.g. “Be kind to each other.”
Safety – e.g. “If someone you don’t know wants to be your friend in real life or online, be sure to tell a parent.”
Manners – e.g. “Wait until the other person has finished speaking before speaking.”
Daily routines – e.g. “We take turns setting the table each night.”
Respect for each other – e.g. “Knock before entering each other’s rooms.”
Screen use – e.g. “No leaving screens on the kitchen bench overnight.”
Who should be involved in setting the rules?
It is important that all family members are involved in deciding family rules as much as possible.
Children over the age of 3 can participate in rule discussions. As your children get older, they may become more involved in setting the rules. Involving children and teens in setting the rules helps them understand and accept the rules and understand why the family needs them. This means they are more likely to see the rules as fair and to abide by them.
