Notes
- A positive approach to discipline means setting limits on children’s behavior.
- Essential elements of a positive approach to discipline include praise, positive attention, and a loving relationship.
- A positive approach to discipline can guide children towards positive behavior.
- Discipline applies only to children aged 3 and above.
Positive Approach to Discipline
Discipline is about guiding children towards positive behavior. A positive approach to discipline involves:
- Setting agreements and boundaries for behaviour, for example through family rules
- Helping children to behave within these limits, for example through consequences.
- A warm, loving relationship with your child is essential to a positive approach to discipline, as are praise, encouragement and rewards and positive attention.
- A positive approach to discipline helps children to learn:
- To behave positively at home, with friends, at nursery, kindergarten and school
- To control their behaviour and get along with others
- To express and control their emotions.
Discipline at different ages
Babies
Discipline is not suitable for babies, as they do not understand rules and consequences. Their behavior is centered around learning and development. They do different things to test skills, make things happen, communicate, and connect with you.
For example, when your baby pulls your hair, he is learning about cause and effect. The best way to help your baby learn and develop is to provide him with warm, loving care. So, when your baby pulls your hair, you can teach him how to say “no” and touch his hair gently. Our baby cues video guide will help you understand what your baby is trying to tell you through his behavior and body language.
Toddlers
Discipline is also not appropriate for young children, because they are only just beginning to develop the skills they need to understand boundaries and act within them. This includes the skills to understand and follow requests and instructions, as well as the skills to manage and express strong emotions, such as frustration and anger.
The best way to manage your toddler’s behavior is to tune into their emotions. For example, strategies like “time in” can help calm a toddler who’s frustrated because he can’t put on his socks.
Behavioral strategies for toddlers give you even more ideas on how to manage your child’s behavior. This can include changing the environment, distracting your child, and planning for difficult situations.
Preschoolers
You can start disciplining your child positively as early as age 3. At this age, children can begin to understand how to behave in positive ways, such as being cooperative, thinking of others, and following family rules. But they probably need help understanding, remembering, and practicing this kind of behavior. That’s where discipline comes in.
For example, you might have a family rule to be kind to each other. A positive approach to discipline might be to impose consequences, like a time-out, if your child hits a sibling.
Behavior strategies for preschoolers give you more ideas on how to positively influence your child’s behavior. School-Age Children
You can take a positive approach to discipline with school-age children. Children this age usually know how to behave in different situations, such as at school, at home, and at the library. But your child’s behavior still needs limits, and they also need help maintaining those limits. Discipline is one way to achieve this.
For example, you might have family rules about the division of household chores. A positive approach to discipline could involve punishment, such as taking away privileges, if your child refuses to wash the dishes when it’s their turn.
When to ask for help
If your child’s behavior or other things in their life are affecting your interactions with them, or if you’re having trouble with their behavior, ask for help. Ask your doctor or pediatric/family nurse for advice and for a referral to a counselor or other specialist.
