Key Points
- Responsibility, strength, and determination are an important part of the journey to adulthood.
- Transferring responsibility to teens and young adults can be a gradual process.
- A “yes, no, maybe” approach can help you shift responsibility to your teen and young adult.
- How much responsibility is appropriate? You can consider your child’s age and experience, as well as the rules, level of risk, and family values.
Responsibilities for Teens and Young Adults: What You Need to Know
Teens and young adults need to be responsible, empowered, and make their own decisions. This is an important part of their journey to independence and young adulthood.
It is important to help your child learn to take responsibility, understand power, and make decisions. You need to consider when and where you want your child to start making decisions.
The amount of time you delegate responsibilities to your child is up to you and your child. This depends on things like your comfort level, your family and cultural background, and your child’s maturity.
How to start shifting responsibilities: Yes, no, maybe
Shifting responsibility to children is a natural progression. Start by letting your child make their own choices in some areas or holding them accountable for some things. You may not like all of your child’s choices, but learning to be responsible will help your child develop life skills.
When you’re thinking about giving your child more responsibility, there are three options –
the “Yes” option.
These are some questions or activities for your child that you might consider:
Be willing to take on responsibilities—for example, walking or biking to school alone
It is better to make a commitment—for example, cooking for the family once a week, or using your own savings to buy your own clothes
Make your own decisions—for example, choosing your own hairstyle or clothes. When you put something in the “yes” box, you are saying that you agree with your child’s decision, even if it is not what you want or expect your child to do.
You can show your agreement if your child is taking responsibility for something you want. If you don’t like the decision, back off and try not to get involved unless you think your child is in trouble. This is an opportunity for your child to learn from the experience. If things don’t go your way, you can talk to your child about what they can do differently next time.
Choose “No”.
You say “no” to decisions that involve bad behavior.
For example, this may include things that the law does not allow young people to make for themselves, such as drinking alcohol. It may also affect other family members, for example if your child decides to spend a lot of money.
Making the “no” choice requires positive communication and clear behavioral boundaries. For example, the way you say “no” is important. Instead of saying “I can’t agree right now because…” In addition, if you remain calm and explain why it’s not right now, this will help your child accept the decision.
Choose “maybe”
This is a gray area. Depending on the situation, you and your child can work out a way to change the “no” answer to “yes.” This might include letting your child try something new to see how it works – for example, taking your child to the skate park with his friends on a weekend afternoon. Choosing “yes” gives your child a chance to show you that they are ready to take on more responsibilities.
