Focus
- Some children are very shy. This means they are slow to warm up or are awkward in social situations.
- You can help your shy child by supporting them in social situations and encouraging confident social behavior.
- If you or your child is struggling with shyness, seek help.
About shyness and shy children
Shyness is common in babies and children. For example, babies may cling to their parents, cry in social settings, or try to avoid social interactions by hiding their heads, moving or turning, and closing their eyes.
When strangers talk to your preschooler, they may be reluctant to talk. They may hide behind their parents or avoid playing.
Preschoolers may avoid answering questions in class, spend time making friends, prefer to sit and watch others play, or avoid new activities.
There is nothing wrong with being shy. Some children are shyer than others. It’s just part of their personality and how they respond to the world.
Helping Shy Children
Shyness doesn’t always go away, but children can learn to be more confident and comfortable interacting with others. These tips may help.
Tips for Babies and Toddlers
- Give your baby time to settle down. Do not allow them to meet unfamiliar adults in person. Instead, encourage adults to play with toys near children and use soothing sounds.
- Spend time with your child in social settings, such as playgroups and parents’ groups, and encourage him to explore. Once your child feels better, you can leave him for a while. For example, sit in a chair with another adult while your child plays on the floor. You can go back inside with your children if necessary.
- Let your child know that their feelings are okay, and you can help them manage their feelings. For example, “I know you feel scared because you don’t know who is at the meeting.”
- Avoid distracting your child. Too much comfort will send a message that you think is a bad thing. That extra attention will inadvertently encourage your child’s shy behavior.
- Praise “hero” behaviors like responding to others, making eye contact, trying new things, or getting away from you. Give specific praise. For example, “Quinn, I like greeting people at the park. Have you seen his smile when you do this?
- Try to model confident social behavior so that your child can watch and learn from you. For example, when someone greets you, you should respond.
Is it shy or something? It is best to discuss other reasons for your child’s behavior with your child’s home health nurse, GP or your child’s teacher.
For example:
Children who have a delayed speech may show signs of wanting to talk to others (for example, seeking eye contact or trying to establish social relationships) but may be frustrated that they are unable to. Children with hearing loss may not hear or respond to what others say, or have difficulty following directions.
Children with autism may have difficulty understanding social cues, may not play as well as other children, and may seem to be indifferent to social interactions.
Children with selective mutism may be unable to speak in certain places, with certain people, or in certain social settings due to anxiety.
Children with social anxiety may experience fears or situations involving interactions with other people – such as classroom discussions, playing with friends, and in groups.
